5 Questions Answered by an ADHD Coach

  

As the featured clinician this month at the HALLOWELL ADHD CENTER, they asked me to answer these questions for our readers:

1. What do you think distinguishes you as a coach?

One of my favorite approaches is to coach our patients to "step into their courage” and do things that they are afraid to do. This usually requires stepping into some zone of discomfort but it can be very rewarding when they do. Sometimes people get overwhelmed with the details of setting a new plan in place and we work together to break it down into easier steps to manage. I hold people's hands through the uncomfortableness of growth. Frequently what gets in their way is lack of self-confidence and perfectionism. One of my favorite quotes is “It doesn’t hurt to ask others for anything.“ Many times this can be the beginning of a whole new rewarding path for them. Those with ADHD have a tendency to not ask for help because they don’t want to appear needy or weak etc but the reality is people generally really like to help one another.

2. If you could only give one tip to someone with ADHD what would it be?

My number one tip is to move your body! I can't tell you how important this and sleep are. Besides being active, I tell them to do what they’re afraid to do. Essentially, I tell them to never let fear stop them, step into their courage and have “fun” with their fear. It’s important to be OK with feeling uncomfortable. I help our patients manage their anxious feelings. If they do this, they will surprise themselves and be rewarded, as their life blossoms, instead of remaining stagnant. The other thing I share is never to be afraid of failure. We either win or we learn.

3. Is there anything you have learned from working with this population?

I’ve learned repeatedly how smart and creative the ADHD brain is. It is such a strength! Many people with ADHD have a hard time seeing their strengths because they focus on what isn’t working, rather than what is. Naturally, there is sometimes shame around mistakes that they feel they have made. I guide patients to see that they are not failures, they are just learning and growing. I really enjoy helping people navigate whatever they are struggling with. 

4. What do you like about working with people with ADHD?

I love what outside-the-box, big picture, creative thinkers they are. They make great problem solvers and are able to weave conclusions together that no one else can usually understand; but they are frequently right. ADHD people are often highly intuitive and need to trust their intuition. I also love that they have big hearts and usually want to help others. They also have lots of energy when they are doing something that they love to do and that really interests them. It’s great to see this unfold in people because it makes them happy as we create together what they want for themselves.

5. The Hallowell center is known for its strengths based approach, what is your understanding of that?

One of the first things I unearth with our patients is clarity on what they feel their strengths are. This can be a hard question for some as they are so focused on what isn't working but mining for their strengths really helps them identify their talents. I build hope and motivation by starting with what's working well or has worked well for them in the past. We work with their strengths (and challenges) and together we create a path forward with more ease. One of my favorite things is helping people fall more in love with their ADHD selves. We are all much better, and more capable than we think we are. 

In Its Place

Another great quote from Meryl Streep, whom I always pay attention to when she speaks.

I've been completely consumed lately by a Golden Globe winner I missed 11 years ago called THE AFFAIR.

If you haven't seen it, it is quite the investment to watch, as it's 53 episodes, but it is so well written and acted. I don't think I have ever watched anything so captivating on TV. The longer I watched, the more I realized how brilliant it is. Great character development. It's a masterpiece, I promise.

 

Turning Off the Worry Channel in our Heads

 

Trusting Ourselves

Meryl Streep once said: Let things fall apart — stop exhausting yourself trying to hold them together. Not everything is meant to last forever, and forcing what is already breaking will only drain you. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let go. Let people be upset. Let them misunderstand you. Let them criticize and judge. Their opinions are reflections of their own perceptions, not a measure of your worth. You do not need to explain yourself to those who are committed to misunderstanding you. You are not responsible for how others choose to see you or how they react to your truth. Stop fearing the unknown. Stop asking, Where will I go? What will I do? as if the universe has not already carved a path for you. Loss can feel unbearable, but sometimes, it is simply clearing the way for something better. What is meant to leave will leave, no matter how desperately you try to hold on. What is meant to stay will find a way, no matter how uncertain things seem. Life always finds a way to balance itself, even when we can't see how. There is a rhythm to life, a natural order of endings and beginnings. When we resist that flow, we create suffering. We cling to what is breaking, fearing that nothing good will replace it. But this is an illusion. The universe is abundant, constantly unfolding new opportunities, new love, and new purpose. The only thing keeping you from it is your attachment to what no longer belongs to you. And never, for a second, believe that the best is behind you. Life does not stop offering beauty just because you have endured hardship. The good has not run out. There is still more joy to experience, more love to receive, more peace to be found. But you must be willing to make room for it. So, ask yourself-What am I holding onto that is holding me back? And when you find the answer, trust yourself enough to let it. 

Also, check out this beautiful 96-year-old. WE LIVE AS FULLY AS WE CAN, WITH WHAT WE HAVE.

How to Handle Difficult People

You may be getting my posts delivered for the first time in quite awhile as I accidently didn't have my delivery service connected for the longest time....😌

Below, at the bottom of this post, is one of the most powerful and helpful podcasts I have ever listened to. It is also available JUST ON AUDIO HERE  if you'd like to drive and listen to it or go for a walk etc. 

Talk about a profound ability for change.

The Spot Behind Our Hearts

DR.KATHY GRUVER has her PhD in Natural Health and in this absorbing 10 minute video shares the best advice I have heard recently about stress and an easy way of how to combat it. She also shares about the spot behind our hearts, called the thymus gland, that produces white blood cells and how a simple visualization can increase our immunity to anything, especially during this flu season, when germs are everywhere (according to the FLU MAP FROM THE CDC). If you have a hard time arriving at a mediative place, she also has a VERY simple suggestion, which has been working well for calming my non-mediative busy brain.

Happy New Year and love from me to you,

Louise

 

The Election

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Lately

It's interesting growing older isn't it? It can be kind of scary though, along with all the other frightening things that are happening in the world.

Aside from more aches and pains, and having to stretch much more often, I'm finding my word recollection is growing more difficult at age 63 and worry that I have Alzheimer's like my mom did, as most people likely do, who have gone through it with a parent.

The good news is that I have learned in the last few years that I have DYSNOMIA, which is a wing of dyslexia and common with people with ADHD as well.

Learning this about myself was such a relief.

Because of my dysnomia, writing posts can at times be very challenging and a slow process, as I search, like a cell tower, for the words I need to write to express myself. In conversation I can talk around the word I am missing but in writing, it is not so easy, unless I want to ramble, which I do not.😕

Someone once told me that I write like reporter which I think is pretty accurate.

I have also been oscillating, between being amazed at my aging body, with lots of lines on it now, and the true masterpiece that it is becoming...AND also frequently thinking, "Good gawd am I looking old! Where the hell did my former self go?"

But I truly feel that we all become beautiful works of art when we take good care of ourselves and allow ourselves to step into and continue to glow in, the amazing aging patina process.

And how fortunate I feel, being able to observe this natural occurrence, both in myself and others.

As I have always said, it's as normal as getting our baby teeth. 

In case you have been questioning the beauty of aging, have a look at these untouched beauties HERE. I especially like the older man swimming in the water, in the upper left hand corner.

Also recently on my radar, is that I have just begun school for more coach training. This time, to get my sex & relationship coaching tools through the Somatica Institute, which I am both very excited about and scared to begin. It is a subject however that I have always been very interested in, as many of you know and I want to help others better navigate this important energy for healthy living in themselves, as I continue to navigate it in myself. I will be collaborating on the journey with the Hallowell Center for ADHD, where I have been on staff as a coach, for the last 3+ years.

I am hugely grateful in their support of this for me.

And lastly, I leave you with this beautiful nugget 🧡

You vs You

Found this on a shelf under a box of granola at the grocery store. Clearly meant for me to share. 

It really is us vs ourselves. 

Whenever we think of doing something and a little voice inside says we can't, we need to IGNORE IT. Stop in your tracks and ignore it! 

It takes bravery to change and/or to try new things but believe me it's so worth it and it’s very enriching.

And makes life so much JUICIER!

We are running out of time....

Stay tuned for my big scary new endeavor.....

What do you want to do that you haven't done or that makes you too frightened to think about starting?

Yes that thing. 🧡

xo,

Louise

 

In the Wild Changing of Things

The above was written by MORGAN HARPER NICHOLS. 

Her work is wonderful.

And below is another beautiful piece by author DONNA ASHWORTH

TIME CAN’T ERASE YOUR BEAUTY

Ageing looks good on anyone who believes

that it does.

It’s an inner light
kind of deal.

It shines through skin, bone, muscle and sinew - bathing everything you see in a luminous glow of peace, acceptance and utter loveliness.

It’s some sort of chemical reaction when self-love (at last) meets Mother Nature.

Then wisdom and hindsight all join together too and cast their magic -
until what you see is a woman who has evolved, grown, learned and risen many many times.

And it’s a beautiful sight to behold.

So, age however you like because if something is not making you happy, that will show.

Time can’t erase your beauty my friend, only negativity can do that.❤️

I hope you are having a lovely summer, and allowing yourself be in the uncertainty, that is always part of life.

xo,

Louise

Reassembling Oneself

 

I love this interview with Paulina Porizkova. She shares some great wisdom about being ourselves, allowing our bodies to age naturally and reassembling oneself, after a very difficult time.

A 103 Year Old Doctor Shares Her Wisdom

This is one of the most inspirational things I have listened to in a very long time.

My Water Walking Talk on ADHD at Walden Pond

 

Letting Go of Fear in the New Year

 

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 Also to ring in the New Year, this quick read on How to Age Happily is fab.

💗Sending love and hope out to you all,

Louise

Take The Plunge

 

As many of you may know, when covid hit and the pools closed, much to my own shock, I became a cold water swimmer. My very dear friend CYNTHIA BRENNEN has written this great post on her experience and the benefits of cold water:

"I’ve discovered something new and exciting in my life. After many years of resistance, I finally dipped my toe (well, my whole body actually), and experienced the most exhilarating feeling I’ve had in a very long time. It’s hard to describe that “hurts so good” feeling but I will do my best to portray the paradoxical exchange of emotions mixed with the physical effects. But first, a little background..

I practically grew up in the water. Being born a Pisces I suppose I was destined to at least test the fluidity in my life and see if it aligned with one of the many reasons I showed up here. I quite liked swimming and especially attached to the camaraderie and excitement of swimming competitively, but the one thing I absolutely abhorred was that first plunge into the pool. The shock of cold water against every cell of my body sent me swimming as fast as I could just to warm up. Early morning swims were always the worst, still feeling half asleep and wanting to crawl back into bed with my warm blankets encasing me. I sometimes struggled with the reason I chose to take this path, and then I would see my teammates and feel the connection between us as we journeyed those waves side by side. The physical pain we endured to reach the thrill was worth every stroke.

It was during this journey I met my swim sister, Louise. We met in the pool in fifth grade and developed a bond not only through swimming, but through the twists and turns of life. We’ve encouraged and listened, cried and sang with joy, felt the agony of defeat and celebrated our wins, all while testing the waters of life. Louise has been such an inspiration in so many ways, but when it comes to H2O inspiration we become totally synchronized. If it wasn’t for Louise, I likely wouldn’t have plunged back into Masters swimming after 30 years, and I certainly would never have even entertained my latest plunge.

It’s been a few years now that Louise has talked about her year-round cold water swims in Walden Pond in Concord, Massachusetts. I’ve always admired her bravery in doing so, but in my mind, it was the worst torture anyone could experience. She would then express how it’s the best natural high she’s ever experienced, and I would smile politely and say, “That’s great, Lou, I’m so happy for you, but that’s something I could never do.” Remember my trauma of jumping into cold pools my whole life? Well that little mini trauma swam around in my head and never left. And then, Louise sent me an article on stimulating your vagus nerve for better mental health, and lo and behold, the very first thing on the list was cold exposure. It talked about researchers finding that exposing yourself to cold on a regular basis can lower your sympathetic “fight or flight” response and increase your parasympathetic “rest and digest” activity through the vagus nerve. Now it was starting to sink in. This was something that could not only benefit my physical health but my mental health as well. I decided to dig a little deeper and read many articles on Cold Water Immersion Therapy. The benefits of taking cold dips were eye opening; decreases depression and anxiety, decreases inflammation, boosts immune system, manages pain, increases energy, soothes muscle soreness, to name a few. That was enough for me. I called Louise and told her I was filling my bath tub with cold water and ice and taking the plunge! She was ecstatic for me. My first try, the temperature was 72 degrees and I lasted about three minutes, and it was challenging! It’s been two months now and I’ve moved down to 59 degrees for six minutes. It sure is cold when I first get in but I’ve learned to accept the pain to enjoy the gain. The funny thing is, it’s still the first few seconds getting in that hurts, but then a calm sets in and I feel as though I’m enveloped in polar bear skin. It is the most peaceful feeling as I focus on my breathing and move into a meditative mode. And then, I can’t even express the exhilaration I feel when I emerge from the water! My endorphins are so happy afterward that I actually caught myself giggling yesterday as I was drying off. Now I get it, Lou. You’ve got a swim sister on another level now, and I can’t thank you enough for lightly nudging me when my ice wall was up. Your patience and warmth always turns it into a pool of peace.

Over the past two months, I must say that my inflammation has decreased and my mood has elevated to a more positive level. Of course, it is only one piece of the balance wheel. Diet, exercise, meditation/relaxation, and adequate sleep are all pieces of the health puzzle. For me, if I don’t pay attention to the amount of sugar I put into my body my cells scream inflammation, and it won’t matter how many plunges I take. Balance in everything we do is the key of life. I’m just grateful I found another healthy opening for that key to fit into.

*If you’re considering taking the plunge please do your own research and talk to a health care professional you trust to be sure this endeavor is for you.

If you give yourself the green light, welcome to the world of exciting exhilaration and hop aboard the Polar Bear Express!"

For further reading on my own experience of cold water click HERE.

And have a nice holiday season!

xo, 

Louise

The Importance of Connection

Everyday it seems the world is getting harder, far less connected and less loving. David Brooks, author of How To Know A Person, was recently interviewed on PBS and he has a wonderful message to share:

To Live a Full Life Requires Courage

The river stairs to my childhood home

To live a full life requires courage.

And being courageous requires doing and saying things that make us feel vulnerable. Things that are scary, emotionally risky and uncomfortable.

True intimacy with others, at it's core, is our single hardest task on earth.

Telling our truth and allowing & accepting who we truly are in our hearts, to reveal itself.

without worrying about the judgements of others.

And noticing where our truths resonate for us, and land, and wander,

and come back to us sometimes again 

and again, 

and again

for clarification,

It's good to ask ourselves in times of struggle why something is hard for us.

What keeps happening, that gets in our way?

What part of ourselves are we abandoning that needs to be revealed?

And what have we been tolerating in our life that it is time to let go of?

It's helpful to also remember that there isn't any losing in life, only learning.

So often we are afraid to fuck-up in life but it is there in the wake of what we

perceive to be a fuck-up, to be our greatest learning.

And the gift of a new internal compass for moving forward.

Chose faith, over fear, that things are going to work out,

and be curious and get excited to embrace the unknown.

Living a full life requires courage.

Being courageous means doing and saying things that make us feel vulnerable.

And honestly, being scared is one of the most alive and exciting places to be.

What new thing do you want to usher into your life that you need courage for?

What just whispered to you?

Sending love and courage,

🧡 Louise

The Let Them Theory

 

If you haven't yet listened to Mel Robbin's podcast titled "THE LET THEM THEORY", seriously don't miss it, the next time you are cleaning up the house or out for a walk etc.

I have thought about it so many times and use it to redirect my thoughts to a better space always, as it has for the people that I coach as well.

There is a reason 15 million people can't stop talking about it.

Also, if you know anyone struggling with ADHD, the documentary called THE DISRUPTORS is fabulous too. It is a strengths based piece on ADHD and people of all ages and different walks of life, chime in on the gems of living with it. Dr Hallowell, whom I coach for is in it, as well as many other knowledgeable people in the field of ADHD.

If you aren't familiar with ADHD, it is a neurological imbalance, where the brain doesn't have enough dopamine. One of the secrets to managing it, is to do things we love to do, because the dopamine fuels our brain with what it is lacking. Exercise and sleep is also hugely important.

Hope y'all are having a nice summer, even amidst the rain and global chaos.

My heart goes out to so many people & places right now,

xo, Louise

Garden bouquet and photo by Caroline Fernandes.

Fear Existed Before Our Faces Started Changing

 

I'm loving Justine Bateman's message at age 57:

Also my quote of the decade: 

What

We

Believe,

We 

Become.

This is truer than true.

Sending love out into the world today,

Louise

Lately

Mount Cook, New Zealand

I've been working hard to unravel as issue with MailChimp about my posts not being delivered to Lines of Beauty subscribers. Endlessly frustrating but my posts must go on without their help for now. I've really missed writing. 

My thoughts as of late:

A is for Always: Always be your own best friend first.  What is it that we need, not what someone else needs?  As my favorite astrologer ARIFA says, “ Do not abandon yourself for the needs of others.”

B is for Bed:  Getting in bed by 11 is heaven for me and anyone with ADHD traits especially. A perennial night owl I can be, and it always screws me up the next day.

C is for Careful: Working on being careful in whatever I say or do, especially not tripping down a flight of stairs etc. Being more careful, except for dancing and romps in the hay, of course. 🙃

D is for Depends: “Care for yourself like you life depends on it, because it does." ~SoulSisterCoaching

E is for Energetic Intelligence:  Realizing this is my superpower. I see and feel energy that many other people do not and all my senses are highly alert. I love this ability in myself.

F is for Too Fast: I am working on slowing down and not being in such a rush. Sometimes I run through life in lightening speed and I am desiring to walk it, more like a toddler. But man is this hard for my brain.

G is for Getting on the mat: About 5 years ago I started doing a little stretching and yoga routine that only takes 12 minutes. I do it religiously 3 times a week and I have hardly been to the chiropractor since.

H is for Hurt: It doesn’t hurt to ask. So many desires in life are left on the sidelines when we don’t have the courage to ask for what we want or need help with. 

I is for If:  If not now, when? 

J is for Joy: The clock is ticking and I'm paying acute attention to what does and doesn't bring me joy and letting go of the things that I can, that do not.

K if for Kissing: I can’t live life without it. It’s more intimate than anything I know.

L is Listening: Listening to our internal voice and honoring what it is saying and what we need.

M is for Motion: I cannot stress how good movement is for our minds, bodies and spirits. Get your shoes on and get moving, especially when life seems rocky. It is hugely therapeutic. 

N: In the spiritual world, the letter N represents always being on alert, like a magnet, picking up new ideas, concepts and vibrations. A mercurial nature that loves to seek out change and excitement and endows the mind with the spark of divine imagination. So heavenly. This is how I like to live the most.

O Oh My Gosh: I can't come up with anything for O. Okay, yes I can, see Z below :-)

P is for Procrastination:  People think they need motivation in order to not procrastinate, and what we really need is just to start doing whatever needs to be done and the motion will turn into momentum, which brings motivation.  The joy of getting shit done is HUMONGOUS. 

Q is for Questioning:   Questioning more, as CADY BYRON encourages. Is what I am thinking true? Sometimes it’s just a story we’re making up.

R is for Romance:  I don’t ever want to live without it.  

S is for Saying: Stop saying yes when we mean no. If this is hard for you to do, ask the person if you can get back to them after you think about it.

T is for There: "There are good days and there are bad days and this is one of them."  ~Lawrence Welk.

U  is for Uncover:  Uncover what fear(s) are holding you back from doing or saying, and say "fuck it", and do it anyway. We don't need to be confident to have courage. Courage breeds confidence.

V  is for  Vitamin C:   For the first time in my life this year my nails began to chip and peal without reason. Until I started taking a hefty dose of vitamin C each day and realized I was just deficient.

W is for Wrinkles:  The aging process has seemed to suddenly speeded up and I am finding wrinkles (or rather “lines of beauty”) everywhere on my body. On good days I am amazed and grateful for this work of art. On bad days I say “Who is this woman? Where did I go? After age 60 the skin really starts to change  I look at my legs sometimes and think what the heck is going on, I’m an athlete?  The truth is I am an aging goddess and a continual form of art, that is as normal as getting our baby teeth. 

X is for Exactly:  Exactly, what do we want to do with the rest of our short time on this earth? I want to have fun, lots of joy and support people in their growth.

Y is for Yesterday: Yesterday is over.  If we are ruminating on anything, it’s time to close the door on sad thoughts and move on to more love and lightness in our lives.  Remember to change the channel when it’s time. Kind of like turning off CNN.

Z is for Zipper: Don’t forget to unzip.  Orgasms are the best elixir for so many things, especially stress and worry.  They keep us young and vibrant.  Have at least one a week 🔥